


Breathtaking

by NanakiBH



Category: Free!
Genre: Confessions, Frottage, Hand Jobs, In Public, Jealousy, Kissing, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-29
Updated: 2013-09-29
Packaged: 2017-12-27 22:30:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/984364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NanakiBH/pseuds/NanakiBH
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There was nothing standing in Nitori's way any longer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Breathtaking

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place some time after the end. I didn't get to take anything from the drama CDs into account before I began writing, but I don't think that noticeably alters anything.

For the rest of the day, Nitori was walking on air.

Whenever someone attempted to talk to him, they had to wave a hand in front of his face to draw his attention because his head had been lost to the clouds. On the bus back to school, all he could see was Rin; his beautiful smiling face. He looked so happy. Finally, Rin was able to find what he needed, and he was satisfied. He was finally free.

Nitori had never felt so happy before in his life. It was a strange, secondhand kind of happiness. In the back of his mind, in the depths of his heart, he'd always acknowledged that he had selfish reasons for wanting Rin to be happy. He tried everything within his own power, but it just never seemed to be enough. Eventually, he admitted to himself that there was nothing he could do, that Rin had to be the one to take the first step off the diving board. For as unsteady on his feet as Rin had seemed, none of Nitori's pushing would have ever caused him to fall into his arms.

He knew that he wasn't the one who held Rin's answers.

He pushed and pushed, but he knew that there was someone else waiting to catch Rin.

Finally, Rin's heart had been drawn tight and Nanase Haruka the one there to catch him. Nitori was afraid that he'd drown, that Rin would never surface again if he let Haruka drag him into his depths, but he should have known.

He and Haruka were both seeking Rin's happiness, but Haruka didn't share his terrible, selfish reasons. Haruka was a good person.

Nitori's high came at a cost. He was walking on air, but there was an anchor tied around his ankle, threatening to pull him down. The incredible progress he'd achieved in one day hadn't been achieved alone. In fact, he had very little to do with Rin's happiness in the end, and that...

It made the anchor heavier.

Rin smiled at him. He called him by his name – not just his name, but a _nickname_ , even. If that weren't enough, he even apologized for yelling at him. A part of Nitori wanted to tell him not to apologize. Any moment with Rin, even the hard and painful times when he treated him poorly, were important moments.

After that, he was a bit stunned, so thrilled that he didn't know what to do, didn't know what to think. So he didn't think. On the bus back from regionals, he kept his eyes on Rin's softly smiling face and let his heart soak in honey-sweet happiness.

It didn't take long for him to begin questioning his happiness. It was all so sudden that it felt too good to be true. Every time Rin smiled at him after that, he felt a little tug on the anchor. When it came to Rin, Nitori had never felt hesitant, but the new weight around his heart caused him to falter. There were things he needed to tell him, things he wanted to say now that Rin was able to see him clearly, but the words seemed to be beyond his reach.

If he told Rin what he felt, he didn't know what would happen, wasn't sure he would be able to hold onto his happiness, but it hardly mattered. His constant thinking was making it bitter. If he never told him, it would sour and turn into something disgusting anyway.

That was the strange thing about happiness. It could spoil just like Friday's bento.

Nitori hated Nanase Haruka because he was grateful to Nanase Haruka. He wanted to be the one to heal Rin's scarred heart, but no matter how hard he tried, he never would have been able to. So Nitori hated himself just as much.

More than Haruka, more than himself, he hated his muddy, confusing feelings.

Before he knew it, he wasn't happy. If only Haruka didn't exist, Nitori found himself thinking, Rin would still be unhappy and he could still hope to be the one to heal him. He knew that he wouldn't have been able to, but at least he had hope back then. He believed in himself more then. He wasn't comparing himself to anyone else then.

Days, then weeks passed and Nitori still hadn't told Rin what he needed to tell him. He kept smiling, savoring each time he heard Rin call him by his name. Each time, the fist around his heart clenched a little tighter, and the anchor around his ankle grew heavier. If he kept waiting, he was sure that something would happen, but he was afraid that he wouldn't be able to control himself if he let his heart fall prey to any further stress.

He remembered the way that Rin's unresolved feelings had twisted him, and with each day that went by, Nitori could see his own reflection becoming more warped. Sooner or later...

 

The end of class. The orange and yellow light of the evening sun against the classroom wall, stretching narrow shadows across the floor. Alone, the two of them.

That week, he and Rin were assigned to perform the classroom cleaning duties together.

It was already Friday.

Four days had already gone by; four days, he'd missed his chance. If he felt like holding himself more accountable, then he had to admit that he had let the chances slip from his fingers. It was like the universe had given him this opportunity, but his heart still felt painfully unprepared.

What was he waiting for? Rin was right there with nothing between them to get in the way.

“Senpai...”

Palms sweating, he lowered the bucket of water he was holding to the floor, lest it slip from his hands like all the other opportunities he'd ignored. His stomach rolled, his mouth went dry, his vision swam when he looked at Rin, bathed in orange and yellow. Just like the view from the bottom of the pool, Rin's figure seemed to sway left and right.

When Rin looked at him, Nitori realized that he was the one who was wavering. The look on Rin's face, so unaware, was so breathtaking that he thought he might just suffocate if he didn't quickly do something to raise his head above the surface.

It happened.

Just as he'd feared, the tenuous threads holding his heart together finally snapped and he lost control of himself. Body on autopilot, his mind devoid of all thought, it wasn't until he felt Rin's mouth pressing back against his that he realized that he had kissed him. It was such a clumsy, graceless thing that it didn't even deserve to be called a kiss, but it slowly turned into one as Rin applied himself to it. As the fog began to clear from Nitori's mind, though, he was struck by the reality of what was happening and felt an irrepressible urge to escape, to run away.

“I'm sorry,” he gasped, halfway to a shout. He wrenched himself away, but two strong hands grabbed his arms and held him, cementing him to the place where he stood.

Rin didn't speak until Nitori finally looked up to reluctantly meet his eyes. He felt his pulse throbbing against the fingers encircling his wrists.

“What're you apologizing for?”

“Senpai, I...” _I don't know_ , he wanted to say. He couldn't think about anything clearly when Rin was standing so close.

“These are your feelings, aren't they? They aren't something you have to apologize for, and they aren't something you can run away from, either.” Glancing aside, Rin gave a quiet, sardonic laugh, as if it were directed at himself. “I'm one to talk.”

What was he saying? The fog may have cleared, but Nitori still couldn't understand what he meant. Rin didn't seem to be bothered at all. “Senpai...”

“Rin,” he quickly corrected him. “If you like me, you don't have to keep calling me 'senpai'. Rin's fine.”

Was that it? Was that all he had to do? It felt almost disappointingly simple; anticlimactic. Suddenly, all of the worrying he did and all of the pain he let fester in his heart felt like a waste, but he couldn't bring himself to care. The things that had been weighing him down suddenly vanished and left him feeling lighter than ever. A new feeling began to spread throughout his chest; a warm, overwhelming feeling that spread from his heart to his fingertips.

It felt like it might just overflow, begging to be set free. Possessed by the new thing awakening in him, kissing Rin again seemed like the only logical thing to do. He barely even realized that Rin was still holding onto his arms until he felt Rin using his strength to pick up him up. A second later, their lips still united, he found himself being lifted up and set down upon the top of the desk behind him.

Nitori was pleased to discover that Rin kissed the same way he swam; ferociously. He put his whole body into it, holding nothing back, leaving no room for Nitori to even question whether his feelings were reciprocated. When it came down to it, both of them were surprisingly simple. If only he'd realized sooner... Maybe, even if he weren't Haruka, Nitori could have felt those lips against his much sooner.

Eventually, the need to breathe caused him to separate his lips from Rin's. He glanced up at him from beneath his lashes and felt his heart thump when he saw the redness in Rin's cheeks. Placing his trust in the words that Rin gave him, he held his gaze.

“Rin...” He shook his head, feeling an irresistible smile take over his face. Although he was sure he would get used to it eventually, it still didn't feel quite right to hear himself say that name. “Senpai...”

For some reason, the words got caught in his throat. A bit of lingering worry grabbed them and refused to let them go.

Rin's eyes widened knowingly and he backed up a step. “Are you sure?”

Yes, now he was sure. Rin knew what he wanted to say without him even having to say it, so there was no reason to hold back. Reaching out, Nitori grabbed Rin by the shoulders and pulled him down until he could wrap his arms around them, bringing them face to face once again.

“I love you, senpai. For a really long time, I've admired you and I... I love you. I don't think I've ever been more sure of anything else.”

There. He'd said it, the feelings he'd been holding back for so long. The high he felt when they were liberated was like nothing he'd ever felt. His heart was still ready to burst, but the fear had been greatly diminished by the soft expression on Rin's face. After regionals happened, Nitori had seen him make many faces he'd never seen before and now – now that he'd said what he needed to say – he even felt like thanking Nanase Haruka for his contributions. Were it not for him, Rin may have never looked at him with such gentle eyes.

“I feel like I should be the one to apologize,” Rin said, a gun held at Nitori's delicate heart. “I'm sorry you have to like someone as awful as me.”

Nitori breathed a sigh and wrapped his arms around Rin's shoulders, bringing him so close that Rin's forehead bumped into his shoulder. “Stop that, senpai. I think you're wonderful and nothing you say could make me think otherwise.”

He could feel Rin's breath against his neck, warm, as he laughed. “I guess I should just be thankful that there's someone who could put up with my shit. Really, I– I'm sorry. I wish I had noticed how you felt sooner. I was only concerned with myself.”

Rin's face remained hidden against his shoulder, but Nitori could hear the sincerity in his voice.

“Senpai...” Feelings were such a strange thing. He'd never really thought about it before. He'd given a lot of thought to Rin's feelings in the past, but Nitori had never realized that the first step to understanding Rin required him to understand himself. “Will you let me love you?”

“Huh?” Rin pulled back and one of his eyebrows lifted incredulously. “That ain't something you need my permission for. If I had a choice, I'd probably tell you not to. But...” he paused to rub the back of his neck. “I'm a selfish guy, so I kind of enjoy all the attention you give me now. I don't want that to stop, and I think I'd get pissed if I saw you treating someone else the way you treat me, so, like, I guess I'm trying to say that- that I'm bad at talking about what I feel,” he ended pitifully, mumbling and trailing off.

Even if he didn't say it in words, Nitori had clearly heard him. Rin might not have sorted out all of his thoughts yet, but the feelings were definitely mutual.

Again, he grabbed Rin by the back of the neck and pulled him in for a kiss. Again, Rin held nothing back, giving him a kiss full of frustration, bitterness, and regret. To be honest, Nitori didn't care what Rin's kiss tasted like as long as he was the one to receive it. He would be willing to kiss him and kiss him until there was no bitterness left, melting it away until only the fond sweetness beneath remained.

“Senpai,” he gasped between their lips, drawing in a quick breath. “I love you,” he said, then repeated, saying it over and over between breathless kisses. Before long, he felt dizzy as more and more of Rin's feelings were stacked on top of his. Pretty soon, he could tell that he would burst, but he didn't mind. Rin had already seen him lose control and he was more than capable of handling him.

The thought of doing something wild and careless with Rin sounded thrilling.

“Nitori,” Rin gasped, breathing in the breath that Nitori exhaled. “Ai.”

The classroom doors were unlocked, but there was no one else around their class at that time to interrupt them if they chose to do anything. When Rin's hands crept along the waist of Nitori's pants, they halted, hesitating, but Nitori extended his hands and grabbed Rin by his belt to encourage him. Frankly, he had no idea where they were going to go with this, but his heart was pounding wildly with excitement. Even if he had no experience, he wasn't too worried about making a fool of himself. All that mattered was that Rin – _finally_ – Matsuoka-senpai was touching him and looking only at him without any reservation.

“Aren't you worried?” Rin asked, tilting his head to the side to gesture at the unlocked door. Despite that, his hands continued to work at Nitori's belt until he had it unbuckled.

“That's-” For some reason, it didn't seem so serious when the thought passed through his head earlier, but it concerned him much more when Rin actually asked him. He suddenly felt like he'd just crash-landed back on Earth and Rin's hands were really close and they were in a place where anyone could potentially see them.

“We could wait if you think somebody's going to catch us,” Rin offered quietly.

It was unusual, hearing Rin sounding so out of his element, but Nitori felt he could get used to it. “It's fine. As long as we don't make a lot of noise, no one should have a reason to come in, and I don't think anyone will need us yet for-”

For a second there, he almost gave himself a heart attack.

“Seijuurou won't come looking for us. We don't have practice today. That's what you were thinking, wasn't it?” Rin asked, then grinned when Nitori gave him a frazzled nod. “We'll be fine. Besides, I'm not gonna leave the classroom looking like this.”

Nitori followed Rin's eyes downward, and his blood ignited in his veins when his sight rested on the front of Rin's pants. So far, he had only managed to unbuckle Rin's belt, but now his hands felt frozen when he realized how close he was to doing something he'd never done before. His experience was limited to his own body, but when it came to someone else – Rin especially – everything felt different.

“Relax,” Rin said, brushing Nitori's hands away for the moment so he could continue working at his pants. “You're a guy, I'm a guy. How hard could it be? Let's just work with what we're most familiar with.”

...Was he implying that he didn't have any experience either?

That was going to have to be a question for another day, though. Nitori couldn't bring himself to ask, too afraid that it would ruin the mood or interrupt Rin's confidence. Holding his tongue, he kept his hands on the desk at his sides and tried not to stare as Rin pulled down his zipper. Rin didn't seem as nervous as Nitori felt, but he could tell that he was running on adrenaline, his fingers quivering slightly as he slowly lowered the waistband of Nitori's briefs to pull out his cock.

Apparently, all of his nervous energy had nowhere to go but down. When Rin pulled him out, Nitori felt embarrassed to realize that he had already swelled to his full length. He swallowed and felt like he might just die when it twitched, so happy to be held in Rin's hand.

“Y-you too,” Rin said, bringing his hips closer. With his unoccupied hand, he guided one of Nitori's back to the fastenings of his pants.

Nitori took a deep breath, then exhaled all of his negative feelings. This was finally the moment he'd been waiting for; a moment alone with his precious senpai. He wasn't going to let it be spoiled by anything, even his stupid nerves.

Tentatively, he brushed the tips of his fingers over the front of Rin's pants and felt his heart thump when he heard Rin release a soft breath through his nose. His confidence rising, he touched him more boldly, cupping his palm around him through the fabric. With a frustrated sound, Rin's pressed forward into his hand, trying to rub himself against him or to make him move. Knowing that he wanted to be touched that badly, Nitori felt much more comfortable taking things the rest of the way. Rin growled again when Nitori removed his hand, but it was just temporary. He needed both of his hands if he hoped to get his pants unbuttoned.

Meanwhile, Rin was lightly stroking him with his fingers, barely moving his fist. It wasn't much, but it felt like everything to Nitori who already felt on the verge of exploding. His hips really wanted to move, to thrust up into his hand to make Rin stroke him faster, but he knew that if he did that... he might not last very long. As it were, he already felt like he was being stretched thin. It wasn't going to take much to make him come.

He just had to hold out long enough to make sure Rin was satisfied.

Rin's hand suddenly disappeared when Nitori finally got his pants undone, but any objections he had halted on the tip of his tongue when Rin pushed his hands away so he could pull himself out. Nitori knew what was coming, had already felt the length of it through his pants, but somehow, he still felt unprepared when he laid eyes on Rin's bare skin.

To call it a thing of beauty would have been understatement, Nitori felt. It was longer than his own, but they were both about the same in width. Unlike his, Rin's curved slightly toward his stomach, and Nitori felt his cheeks blaze, just imagining what it would feel like to have it inside of him.

Nitori felt ready to take things into his own hands (quite literally, even), but Rin seemed determined to handle things himself. Putting a hand to Nitori's lower back, he pulled him forward and pushed his own hips up against the edge of the desk, getting them as close together as he could. With Rin standing between his legs, Nitori locked his legs around the back of Rin's knees to bring him even closer. His body felt hot and his brain went numb when he absorbed the heated expression on Rin's face. He'd never seen him looking like that before and it filled Nitori with all kinds of prideful feelings to know that he was responsible for that look.

He could only imagine the kind of face he must have been making himself when Rin grabbed both of their cocks together and joined them in his fist. Very quickly, he stole a glance at the closed door, just to be sure that they were still undisturbed. He couldn't have been looking over Rin's shoulder for more than a second, but the chuckle that Rin gave meant that he had noticed him looking.

“Still nervous that we'll get caught?” he asked.

Nitori opened his mouth to reply, but a quiet, stuttering gasp came out instead as Rin squeezed their cocks more firmly together. Frantically, he shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts and deny Rin's question at the same time. “No, I- It's actually... really exciting.”

He'd never done anything so risky before. Neither had Rin, as far as he knew. He was probably feeling the same kind of nervous energy that Nitori felt. All of his senses felt alert, heightened by the possibility of being discovered.

“I never realized you'd be into something like this,” Rin said, the fingers on his other hand flexing around Nitori's hip.

“I'd be willing to do anything you want to do, senpai,” he admitted, unable to resist the urge to refer to his senior so politely. “Actually, I've always wondered what it would be like to do things like this with you.”

Rin's hand slowed as he thought about what Nitori said. “That's kind of creepy, you know.”

“Yeah.” He was aware. That was why he always made sure to keep his journal hidden. “But isn't that what our youth is supposed to be about? Imagining our senpai doing all kinds of nasty things to us-”

“That's just you,” Rin said, staring, fist pausing. “Not sure I wanna keep this up if you're going to unload all of your darkest secrets on me now...”

“I-I'll shut up! I'll shut up!” Nitori quickly promised, flushing hotly with embarrassment. There would be many opportunities for him to tell Rin about his fantasies in the future, if he ultimately chose to or not. At the moment, he could understand where Rin was coming from. Rin probably had a lot of secrets in him that Nitori would be hesitant to hear about as well.

Rin released Nitori's hip and moved his palm to his jaw, sliding it around to hold the back of his head, bringing his face closer. “I'll just make sure you stay quiet,” he said, then sealed their lips.

Remembering that he had hands, Nitori timidly placed one of them on Rin's shoulder as he opened his mouth, welcoming a deeper kiss. The other joined the hand Rin held around their cocks. Cracking open an eye, he looked down at them and felt a new shiver of excitement go through him at the sight of their hard members pressing against each other. He felt guilty to notice that he was already dripping a bit of precum, but it felt nice as it slid between them, easing the movement of their strokes.

“Rin,” he moaned hotly into Rin's mouth, voice muffled as their tongues slid over each other.

Rin opened his eyes and met Nitori's directly. A rough, feral growl came from Rin's throat, strong enough to make Nitori whimper. He really wanted to make Rin feel good, desperate to prove that he was worthy of his attention, but he was getting more worried by the second that he wasn't going to be able to hold out. The intimidatingly hungry look on Rin's face was more than enough to make him feel like coming.

He had to break away from Rin's lips to breathe and tried to find a way to tell him what he was thinking.

“I don't think I'm going to last for much longer...”

Good enough. Rin got the idea, and, by the look of it, he wasn't going to last much longer either.

“Yeah,” Rin muttered, straightening up to return his focus to their hands' work. He continued to hold them together, stroking with a quick and even pace, but he pulled his eyes away and looked down at the floor instead. “It must be the situation riling me up.”

Was that all it was? Nitori wasn't so convinced, and he tried his best to hide the sly smile that wanted to creep onto his lips.

“I see. I guess it can't be helped then,” Nitori replied.

Rin made a choked sound, like he knew that Nitori caught his lie, but he didn't say anything further. If he said anything else, he would only give himself away, and Nitori already felt pretty certain that he understood why Rin was so on edge. It made him feel good to know that he could excite him like that.

He was really trying to hold himself back, but he could feel his resistance slipping with each deliberate stroke of Rin's hand. Although he had one of his hands between them, it was there to guide Rin's more than anything else. As a first attempt, Rin didn't seem focused on doing anything special, just taking things at the pace that he would probably use on himself, keeping things natural. That might've been why it felt so good, and when Nitori realized that he was being held at the discretion of Rin's personal pace, he found his control slipping even faster.

Closing his eyes, Rin nudged his forehead against Nitori's. With his jaw locked and his brows pinched together in concentration, it looked as if he were finally surrendering himself completely to the feeling of his hand gliding over them. There weren't words to describe how incredible Nitori thought he looked at that moment. All he could do was whimper helplessly in unison with Rin's harsh breaths, silently committing ever second to memory.

Short of telling Rin to stop, there was nothing he could do.

“S-senpai,” he gasped, precum freely dripping from the head of his cock. He dropped his hands to the desk and tightly gripped the edge. “I really can't-”

“Do it,” Rin growled. “Don't hold back anymore, Ai.”

A weak, pitiful sound like a sob fell from Nitori's lips as he came, the sound of Rin's voice saying his name repeating over and over in his head with each bolt of pleasure that shot through his body. He had to clench his teeth to keep himself from making any louder noises when he looked down, watching as Rin continued to jerk himself off. When he came, Nitori vaguely worried about where his cum was going to end up. As he watched Rin use it to slicken his palm, he knew that he was going to be seeing that image in his fantasies for a long, long time.

Rin came in his hand with barely a sound. Desperate to find something to hold himself steady, his other hand came down on the desk, right on top of Nitori's, and he grasped it tight as he worked himself through the last of it.

With the end in sight, Nitori worried that Rin might come to his senses or something, remember that he only cared about Haruka, push him away again, decide that this was a mistake.

His hand stayed, though. Even as Rin opened his eyes and looked down at his hand covered in cum with a distasteful stare, his hand remained over Nitori's.

“Hang on a sec,” Nitori said quickly. He didn't want to break away from the warmth of that hand, but he quickly extricated himself from between Rin and the desk and hurried over to where he left his backpack to retrieve something. Zipping his pants up and fiddling with his belt buckle on the way there, he returned a few moments later with a pack of pocket tissues and offered one to Rin.

Rin looked up slowly, his eyes looking a bit bleary. “Ah... Thanks.”

Heart in his throat, Nitori clutched the pack of tissues to his chest as he watched Rin clean himself up and fix his clothing. Every second felt excruciatingly long as he waited for Rin to say something.

Feeling impatient, he blurted out, “Are we dating now? Am I your boyfriend? I mean- That's totally up to you! Even if you don't want others to know about it, that's fine. I can keep it a secret. I don't mind. I'd do anything for you, senpai, so-”

“Nitori.”

He stopped abruptly, feeling his own words smacking him in the face.

With an ambiguous laugh, Rin walked past him and tossed the tissue into a wastebin halfway across the room with impressive accuracy. “Don't start getting weird on me again,” he said. Nitori felt his heart drop to his stomach. “I wouldn't have done anything like this if I weren't interested in you, so stop freaking out. Just act natural, okay? I'm not just your senpai anymore.”

Nitori wobbled unsteadily and caught himself on the desk next to him. “What was that? Sorry, I think I'm gonna pass out now.”

“Need me to help you back to the dorm?”

Oh God, he forgot that they shared a room together. Not like he could forget something like that, but his brain just blacked out for a minute there, and now the realization that he was going to spend a lot of time with Rin after something like _that_ made him feel dizzy.

Rin put his hands on his shoulders to help hold him upright and looked him over curiously, checking his condition. “You'll be alright. We still need to finish up here anyway. Just breathe or something. It's not like I rejected you, so you don't have anything to freak out over.”

Did Rin even realize who he was talking to? He had about a thousand reasons to freak out and they were all going in his journal the second he got back to their room.

Their room... _Their_ room...

“I-I'm just going to sit down for a little bit first,” he muttered, sliding into the desk next to them.

Rin clicked his tongue. “Whatever. I guess I can handle taking out the trash by myself.”

He said that, but then he continued to stand in place, staring at the wastebins at the back of the room. Eventually, to Nitori's surprise, he slid into the desk opposite him and sunk down, resting the back of an arm over his eyes.

“On second thought, maybe I'll just sit here with you for a minute or two. You know – just until you're ready to get back up. No rush.”

Nitori had never felt so stupid for worrying over something, but at least he wasn't alone. Who knew Matsuoka-senpai could be so cute?


End file.
